Jessie's Laws of Life

Anyone ever heard of Murphy's Law? Anything that can go wrong will go wrong? I hate this law. It's like a recipe for disaster. Literally. Things have been going wrong. I'm not going into details, but long story short, this week has been like a roller-coaster ride with all the ups and downs. So I've decided that I've taken the last of the downs and it's just going to be up up up from here on out! I'm done with Murphy and his Laws of Life and I'm creating my own Laws. So there.

Jessie's Laws of Life

The sun must be shining somewhere.

The things you're afraid of doing are usually the most worthwhile.

The shoes you want are rarely in your size.

There's no such thing as luck; only hard work, perseverance, and a lot of tears and laughter along the way.

It's not bad to fail, what's bad is to let your failure keep you from trying the next time.

You're most likely allergic to your favorite food.

If you meet the man of your dreams moments before meeting his wife, he wasn't the man of your dreams, he was the man of hers.

The biggest sale day of the year is the day you'll have to stop for gas.

I don't believe in regrets. I believe in letting mistakes form us into the people we are today, stronger and wiser than we were yesterday.

If something's meant to happen - make it happen.

If you spend your life wishing on stars you'll have spent an awful lot of time missing the beauty going on around you.

Constantly thinking about the future or wanting to change the past will only make you miss the present.

Love your family, your friends, your neighbors...but never forget to love yourself.

You can't love anyone if you don't love yourself first.

Another saying goes, "I'm like a Willow tree, I can bend" basically meaning that you go with the flow and just let things happen. Many times I want to say, "I am so not a Willow tree, I cannot bend." I like structure and planning and for the most part I'm fine that that's who I am, but sometimes I just need to relax a little and enjoy letting things work themselves out. Until then, I'll enjoy watching the snow fall on the mountains.

xoxo,
Jessie

Vegas Road Trip

 I drove to Las Vegas a couple weeks ago to visit some family. On my way down I found out that I love driving to Vegas. It is a beautiful drive! I listened to Angels & Demons on CD and looked at the scenery and wondered how I was ever going to be a bestselling author when my book ideas are no where near as complex as Angels & Demons and sang to the steering wheel and eventually made it to Vegas. 

I drove through some pretty hefty lightning storms along the way. The rain was coming down so bad it was hard to see where I was driving. I finally understand the term "raining buckets". After about 15 minutes, though, the rain and lightning stopped and it was beautiful again.

The light after the storm.

xoxo,
Jessie

Back to School

Summer is coming to a close and school is beginning again for the unlucky majority. It's the first time in 15 years that I haven't been getting ready for a new year of school. All around me students are preparing themselves for that unbearable teacher they have to have, the class they took for an easy A, and the inevitable first homework assignment. They can't just fool around anymore. No more staying up late just because they can, no more sleeping in until noon because their shift at work doesn't start until 12:15. Now they actually have to try and pass their classes. And that, my friends, is not at all fun.

Unless, of course, you're one of those strange and unusual specimens that actually likes school, heaven forbid. In which case, this post does not apply to you at all and you are free to close this window and spend your time studying instead of procrastinating. Go on - get back to work.

To the rest of you...continue procrastinating. It's worth it. To those of you starting school, my apologies. On the other hand...congratulations! You're one start of the year closer to being finished with school forever!

Since I am no longer in school (don't hate me, I went through it, too), I'm celebrating the start of school by watching my favorite back to school movies. Don't worry, I won't watch them all in one day. I could, because I don't go to school anymore (haha!), but I won't just out of respect for you.

5 Back to School Movies

Grease: In some states an entire school year is only two hours long. In others, it's two semesters long and the students only retain two hours worth of knowledge. 

Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Just repeating "Bueller...Bueller...Bueller..." makes you feel better about school. 

Legally Blonde: Sometimes I wonder if I should go to graduate school...then I watch this movie.

Never Been Kissed: You too can change your entire high school experience by having your brother come to your high school and make everyone believe you're popular.  

Sydney White: Girl goes to college and tries to liberate the dorks. It's like watching a train wreck. You want to look away, but you can't. 

If you're bummed that school is starting then watch a movie that'll make you smile...laugh...and maybe wet your pants. 

xoxo,

Jessie

If I was a Spy...

I dreamed I was a spy. I was sent to kill the CEO of a company because he was doing something bad...I'm not quite sure what it was, but I was sure it was really bad... Anyway, the CEO was having a fancy party that night in his mansion so it would be the perfect opportunity to kill him. I don't know why, but it just was. I stood waiting in the rafters of his mansion, because someone as wealthy as him couldn't afford to finish his ceiling, and when he was directly below me, I pulled out my gun and lunged toward the chandelier about to shoot when suddenly - I woke up.

Obviously it got me to thinking, 'I'm hungry.' After I ate some food, though, I thought, 'I wonder what my life would be like if I really was a spy?' So I made one of my ever infamous lists.

If I Was A Spy...

• My name would be Dominique Francesca Lightningbug. I don't know why; it just would.
  
  
• I'd dye my hair black because that's what Angelina Jolie taught spies do in Salt. It just makes sense.
  
  
• I would wear waaaay cuter clothes than I wore in my dream. Black turtleneck? Not a chance.
  
  
• I'd live in a penthouse apartment and make everyone believe the bestselling author Jessie Holmes lived there.
  
  
• I'd buy a yellow Porsche because nothing says undercover like driving down the street in car that screams "LOOK AT ME!"
  
  
• I would live a successful, but lonely life, and wonder if my life would have been better off if I had gone to college, majored in Journalism, and married a nice young man who would have supported my writing career and the fact that no matter how hard I try I'll never look good in the color orange, had kids and lived happily ever after. Then I'd eat a chocolate and realize no, probably not. My life as a spy is definitely the better of the two.
  
  

xoxo,

Jessie

Original Research - Nap Time

I was on Wikipedia recently and saw this notice: 

This article may contain original research. Please improve it by verifying the claims made and adding references. Statements consisting only of original research may be removed. More details may be available on the talk page. (January 2011)

Needless to say it made me laugh out loud. I decided to conduct my own original research and will allow you, the reader, to improve it by verifying the claims made and adding references. However, any statements made consisting only of original research may be removed. 

"Nap Time"

By Jessie Holmes Lo.L.

Remember preschool when you would grab a blanket and a teddy bear and take a nap? And when you woke up you were refreshed and energized and ready to take on the monkey bars again? 

A recent scientific study from Harvard-Yale-Princeton, respectively, showed that 99.996 percent of adults that took a short nap at work were able to increase productivity. If the nap was 40-60 minutes long productivity increased 10 thousand percent, but if under 40 minutes productivity would decrease. 

In essence if 40-60 minute naps were allowed, a 40 hour/week job could accomplish 4 thousand hours of work. If more companies made mandatory nap time they would increase their growth exponentially. 

Needless to say, nap time is a necessity that no one can afford to miss. Literally. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Psych!

I have a new favorite TV show. Psych is not just a fun word from the 90's, it's also a hilarious TV show. I don't find very many TV shows that make me laugh out loud, but this one does. It's the story of a man who solves crimes by pretending to be a psychic. He uses his acute observation skills to notice things others don't and then tells them to the police as if he thought of them in a psychic vision. Sound funny? Not really. It is, though, trust me.

Lines from Psych:

Gus: Brazilian airport codes. How do you know that? 
Shawn: I lived in an airport for a month, Gus. 
Gus: That was Tom Hanks in The Terminal. 
Shawn: Same difference.

Gus: Are you crazy? 
Shawn: I wouldn't say crazy. Maybe an eccentric who looks good in jeans.

Juliet: Detective Lassiter is literally on fire today. 
Shawn: "Literally on fire" as in Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial, or as in a misuse of the word "literally?" 

Netflix it. Hulu it. You'll love it.

xoxo,
Jessie

JABPJW

Raise an online hand if you've ever been confused by acronyms...jargon...emoticons. You got stuck on the online hand, didn't you? Trying to figure out how to do it? Can't figure it out? Think you're a failure because everyone else can raise an online hand except you? You are. Now that you're depressed because you've failed in your attempt to master online jargon and emoticons, such as RUMCYMHMD and ;-<> let me further BYB.

http://pctechnotes.com

Emoticons were created just after the revelation of the cosmetic effect of Botox in 2002. Men and women injected with Botox found it difficult to show emotion when speaking. They would proceed to get out their cell phones and type what appeared to be sideways smiley faces :). Eventually the celebrities began doing it, creating their own different type faces, and calling them emoticons. Soon the emoticons escalated into such a fad they negated the use to show emotion at all! People began to say things like, "I heart you" named after the ever-so-popular <3.

After 365 long days, 2002 ended and 2003 began. Emoticons were no longer enough. People, United States Citizens, began *sob* using acronyms! "Lol" not only became popular, it became mandatory to use if you wanted to have a conversation via text. What does it mean? No one really knows! Laugh out loud? Laugh online? Love or licorice? So many possible meanings for three letters! People have gotten better after nearly ten years, though. They've narrowed down the possibilities of an acronym by adding more letters. I mean, if you get a text saying IWAPESICTASOUHN, everyone knows what that means. Seriously guys, ICMTSU.

KIDAC, :A .

xoxo,
Jessie

FFI (For Future Information)

19: Hand

RUMCYMHMD: Are You on Medication Cause You Must Have Missed a Dose

;-<> : Drooling

BYB: Burst Your Bubble

<3: Heart

IWAPESICTASOUHN: I want a Pink Elephant So I Can Take Showers Outside Under His Nose

ICMTSU: I Can't Make This Stuff Up

KIDAC: Okay, I Did On A Few

:A : Laughing Out Loud

xoxo: Hugs and Kisses!

Moments like These

A few nights ago after my sister put her daughter to bed we sat up talking. I'd had a bad day and was complaining about it to my sister. Later, when my niece started to cry, I offered to go rock her for a few minutes until she calmed down and, hopefully, fell asleep. 

As I sat in the dark rocking my niece back and forth, back-and-forth, I wondered why I'd had a bad day. Why was I complaining? I couldn't remember. I was unbelievably happy that I was sitting in the dark, holding a beautiful little girl. It was nice to forget my troubles for a while and just focus on the little things that make life worth living. Things like...

The sound of my niece's laughter

My nephew blowing me kisses goodbye

Summer rain

Mountains

Daisies

The smell of chocolate

My mom's baseball addiction

My dad's smile

Shoe shopping

Chocolate chip cookie dough

Piano music

The crinkle of the pages of a new book

Singing at the top of my lungs

Rolling down grassy hills

Taking photographs

The stars

Laughing

It's moments like these that make life worth living. Everyone has something that makes them smile, something that fills them with joy. The trick is to not let the bad things outweigh the good things. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Five Songs that will Make Your Day

Ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed? You get up and automatically know it's going to be one of those days. The kind of day where everything is going to go wrong. You're going to be late for work, your car is going to get a flat tire on the freeway, and your mom forgot to pack a Twinkie with your lunch. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. No worries; I've got a cure. Play these five songs while you get ready in the morning and your day is destined to be better than you originally thought. Promise.

"Pray for You" - Jaron and The Long Road to Love

Why? - Gives you a new perspective on the whole "Love Your Enemies" principle.

"Ironic" - Alanis Morissette

Why? - No matter how bad life gets you can find comfort in the fact 

that you didn't die on your first plane ride...I hope...

"If I had a Million Dollars" - Barenaked Ladies

Why? - You deserve to dream! 

"Who Says" - Selena Gomez & The Scene

Why? - Yes, you are beautiful. 

"Online" - Brad Paisley

Why? - Remember, you can be anyone you want to be...

as long as you have a username and password.

I hope if the songs didn't make your day, then I did.

xoxo,
Jessie

Bedbugs and Beetles

I've never really known what a bedbug is, but I know it doesn't sound pleasant. And since, at a very young age, I made it a rule of mine to discard everything unpleasant from my life, I knew bedbugs were something to avoid.

So you can imagine my surprise when I rolled out of bed this morning and saw a dead beetle in my sheets. Were it's guts squished all over the sheets like it had tried to escape it's waking nightmare while I had slept dreaming of chocolate fudge cake (one of my better dreams, I'll admit)? No, rather it looked like it had suffocated to death. Like I had slept on top of it. All. Night. Long.

At first I felt disgust, followed quickly by a nauseated feeling as I tossed the beetle in the trash. But then, I felt a familiar sense of anger. Anger that this unpleasant thing had made it's way into my otherwise pleasant morning. And I had made it a rule of mine, at a very young age, to discard everything unpleasant from my life and this beetle dared to break my rules. Oh, no, his death was not surprising.

After gloating that I had won the battle I hadn't known was afoot, I started to worry, as I tend to do, about other unpleasant things making their way into my otherwise pleasant life. You know what I'm talking about...bedbugs. So I did what any normal person would do. I went online to dictionary.com, one of my favorite websites, and looked up the definition of bedbug (it is one word for those of you who wondered).

bed·bug

  [bed-buhg]

–noun

1.

a flat, wingless, bloodsucking hemipterous insect, Cimexlectularius,  that infests houses and especially beds.

2.

any of several other bloodsucking bugs of the family Cimicidae.

After looking up "hemipterous" which basically means a classification of bug/insect, I now knew what a bedbug was. And I was right. They did not sound pleasant. Now while the beetle wasn't strictly a bedbug, if we broaden the definition a bit, it was in my bed and it was a bug...so I'm pretty sure the beetle was a bedbug and it was definitely unpleasant.

Now I have an official reason to begin my war against the bedbugs of the world. Any bug that resides in, by, near, or within a .5 mile radius of my bed - you've been warned. I've got a bottle of Raid and a flyswatter that is silent but deadly.

xoxo,
Jessie

Hair Personality

I dyed my hair. It used to be light brown and now it is a dark brownish-red. I spent the first two days flip-flopping back and forth between absolutely loving it and completely hating it. For example:

Day of Dyeing:
5:00 p.m. - Leave Salon - LOVE HAIR
5:15 p.m. - Drive Around - Like hair
5:30 p.m. - Arrive at Sister's House - Undecided
6:45 p.m. - Sister's House - Dislike hair
7:00 p.m. - Leave Sister's House -  HATE HAIR
7:10 p.m. - Arrive Home and Look in Mirror - Like Hair
7:15 p.m. - Talk to Brother - Hate Hair
7:30 p.m. - Talk to Dad - Hate Hair
9:00 p.m. - Talk to Mom - Like Hair
Next Day
9:30 a.m. - Wake Up - Dislike Hair
10:00 a.m. - Take Shower - Hate Hair
10:15 a.m. - Dry Hair - Hate Hair
10:17 a.m. - Style Hair - LOVE HAIR

Like I said, after about two days of this I finally decided I loved it. I'm used to it now and I don't cringe every time I look in the mirror anymore.

Since I've dyed my hair, however, I seem to act a little differently. I must be going insane because when I go shopping my sense of style has changed, I think different things are funny, I overreact at the littlest thing... I've come to the most logical conclusion possible. My hair. It must be my hair. My hair is the only thing that has changed over the past week and a half and that must be why I'm acting so weird! It makes perfect sense!

I took it upon myself to do a little research (ha! take that, new personality!) and I've come to find some pretty interesting, if completely ridiculous, stuff.

• Blondes are often thought as sexier than other women, but are also thought as ditsy and naive. Blonde women tend to get more attention from men, as well as get married earlier in life. Blondes have great memories, strong consciouses and are good at math.
  
  

• Black-haired women are more serious. They are mostly interested in history and religion and best when it comes to finances. 

• Brunettes are the responsible ones, the good girls. They are hard workers and reliable. They usually work harder than other women and get down-trodden easily. 

• Red-haired women are opinionated and feisty. They're the women that come up with the great ideas and think that nothing is impossible. Women with red hair are sensitive, but outspoken. They hardly get used to new things and ideas and they're irritable and easy to annoy.
  
  

So, what did we learn from all this?

I should have dyed my hair blonde...then I could have passed my math classes. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Me, Myself, and My Blog

Blogs are becoming increasingly popular. I, myself, have started a blog...if you haven't noticed. Having transfered from the ever-decreasing population of the anti-bloggers to the continually increasing population pro-bloggers, I have deemed myself an expert on why people are quickly jumping on the bandwagon. Here are just a few of the reasons that blogging is now more popular than ever:

• Don't like privacy? Neither do we! Blogs allow family, friends and perfect strangers to pry into your life where they don't belong and don't particularly want to be. 
• Because texting, Tweeting, and posting it on Facebook is simply not enough!
• Because of that one guy who said that one thing on his blog that helped the news uncover that other guy who did some bad thing that they eventually caught and convicted him for. 
• You are the expert. Have a Ph.D. in minutes of setting up an account! Simply include it in your profile and people will believe you.
• People are replacing books with blogs. It's much more cost efficient. None of that pesky grammer to deal with. 
• "Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few."

If I haven't convinced you to start a blog, don't worry, I've gotten you to read this post and that's the first step. You'll get there in no time. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Catharsis

I was in D.C. this past week and while there I went to see the National Monuments. I walked the National Mall, literally saw history before my eyes. Well, I was in front of a bunch of high school kids. They were talking about people who were and weren't attractive (why, I don't know) when one of the girls whispered to the boy next to her (not very quietly), "Guess who isn't attractive?" He asked, "Who?" I could practically feel her nod in my direction and say, "That girl." Since there weren't any other girls around, other than their friends, I assumed she was talking about me. I nearly turned around and slapped the laugh right off of her. Instead, I just quickened my pace and tried to ignore the brat.

Last night, I had an amazing dream where I told off this girl (along with everyone else I was angry at) for being such a jerk. I didn't yell at her or anything, but I just told her that she couldn't make me feel bad. The only bad part of the dream was waking up.

It turns out that telling people off is only cathartic if you actually do it. Since I can't exactly pick a fight with this girl, since I'll never see her again and since she probably doesn't remember me, I'm going to tell all of you off! Anyone who has ever been mean to me, watch out. So, if you're looking to read a funny post that will make you laugh skip to the next one because this isn't it. Well...it might make you laugh, but I'm serious so it shouldn't tickle your funny bone. It's gonna get ugly, people, cause I'm about to say all the things I'd never say in person.

Dear Jerk,

Despite your over-inflated ego and abnormally large head, the world does not revolve around you. You do not go around saying bratty things about your friends, or strangers for that matter, to anyone who will listen. Saying someone is "unattractive" is rude. Calling someone fat is rude. Starting rumors about anyone is not just rude, it's malicious.
     It's actually kind of flattering you doing all of this. I mean, it's flattering in an incredibly twisted sense. You must be incredibly jealous to devote so much time and effort trying to make me miserable. Don't get me wrong, I did find it flattering...for the first few months. But as the months dragged on into years it got less flattering and more annoying. Eventually, when you grew up and learned how to cleverly cloak an insult, it became hurtful. I am beyond tired of your jealousy. Whatever your problem is - get over it.
     You might think this is a game. How many guys can I get to avoid Jessie? How many girls can I get to spread non-imaginative rumors about her? How many times can I make her cry? I've got news for you - I'm not playing your game. You want to get guys to avoid me? Go ahead. You want to spread rumors? At least think of something original, I beg you! You want to make me cry? Don't worry, I'll get over it. I refuse to become anything like you and I will not stoop to your level. If it were possible, I would say this to your face. As it is, only a chosen few have had that privilege...so far.
     I am a good person. I do my best and I try to do what is right. You can't make me feel bad. You can be as cruel as you want, but you cannot make me believe I am worthless. You might make me cry, but you can't change who I am. Don't waste your time trying.
     Now, it would be nice if you were actually listening to any of the things I've said. However, I know people like you tend to lose focus after someone other than yourself starts talking. You've probably already come up with several different ways to torture me in the future, so let me just say this in closing:
     No matter what you say about me; no matter what you do to me; no matter how many times you try to hurt me; you will never have any power over me. You will never be more than a selfish, arrogant brat who only feels good when others feel bad, and I feel sorry for you. So enjoy the rest of your pathetic existence, because I'm done listening to you and people like you.

xoxo,
Jessie

Me? Sarcastic?

sar·casm 
 [sahr-kaz-uhm] 

1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark

If that definition came as a surprise to anyone - you really shouldn't be reading my blog.

What's more, if you don't get half of what I'm saying, it's because I'm saying it all sarcastically (see above definition).

Now, in all seriousness (see above), I don't know why people don't get me. Besides the fact that I'm delightful and the sweetest, prettiest person you'll ever meet, I'm humble. Who wouldn't want to be friends with someone as humble as I am?

Yet I'm told that I have a sarcastic personality. I prefer to think of it as being witty, but hey, whatever paints your canvas. A couple days ago one of my guy friends told me that I'll say anything. I took it as a compliment. While it's true that I say just about everything that's on my mind, there's a ton I don't say. Seriously, about half. I should really try to up that to about 3/4, but then I'd be so quiet all the time people would wonder what was wrong with me.

The problem with my sarcasm is that everyone believes what I say. Either people are just really gullible or I have to work on my sarcastic, *cough* *cough* I mean, witty, voice. So, just for the heck of it, and because I'm bored (because let's face it...who writes on their blog when they're busy?), I decided to make a hilarious list of things I've said in my "witty" voice that people believed.

My Not-So-Sarcastic Voice

•  (At a bridal shower)"I met her when I caught her making out with my ex-husband. We're great friends now, though." 
• "She has multiple personalities. Each one needs a sandwich."
• "We've been friends since the first grade. He keeps pretending he doesn't know me." -Me
  "I don't!" -Guy
• "It's your lucky day! I saw this Snickers bar and thought immediately of you!" (That guy ended up asking me out). 
• "I don't eat food. I just stare at it hoping the process of osmosis will come into play." 

I can't count how many times people have asked if I'm serious and I have to say no. Of course, I can't count how many times people have asked me if I'm being sarcastic and I have to say no. *Sigh* It looks like I'll never win. 

xoxo,
Jessie

Mean

Rude. Harsh. Abrasive. Cantankerous. Caustic. Sarcastic. Unpleasant. Callous. Hostile.

No matter how you spell it all these words mean the same thing: mean.

I've been told I am a mean person. Many things I say are construed as mean. May I just say that being honest should not automatically make you a mean person? Just because I say what I mean and mean what I say, doesn't mean that I am mean. (By the way, I just beat the World Record for the most times "mean" has been used in a sentence. I checked.)

Why should I lie to make someone else feel better? I'm not saying I go up to people and tell them they're fat and ugly - I would never do that. Yet if I tell a guy I'm just not interested, it automatically makes me mean. Is it better to go out with him on a "pity date" or as a "charity case" not expecting to have a good time and never planning on going out with him again? I don't think so. I think people deserve chances, yes, but I am the kind of person who knows what I want and knows what is going to get me there. I don't think that lying to someone to make him feel better and then just hurting him worse later on is good either. I, personally, would rather have someone be honest with me and hurt my feelings in the beginning than lead me to believe something false.

Personally, I think I'm delightful. I don't kick children. I have never purposefully hit a cat with my car (yet). I refrain from flipping people off during spouts of road rage. I don't even Saran wrap the toilet seat anymore! 

I just think some people judge too quickly when they see something as "mean." They generally don't understand the situation the "meanness" occurred. For instance, if you've ever seen me punch someone in the face, I probably was aiming for their stomach and simply miscalculated. You probably just assumed the worst.

If I have ever hurt someone with my honesty, I am truly sorry. It was not intended to hurt or harm anyone. I was trying to be honest, not mean. 

Now, that I've got that off my chest, I think I'll go make someone cry. It's kind of liberating. You should try it sometime. ;)

xoxo,

Jessie

Anything At All

I am happy to say I did it! I graduated college. I officially have a Bachelor of Science in Communications - Journalism. I never thought this would happen, but it finally did. I will never have to go to school again. I will never have to do homework again! Unless, I go to graduate school...but that's a different topic for a different day. All the useless information I've learned over the past three years can now be pushed out of my brain into the trash where it belongs. The pain I've gone through with teachers I hated, the struggle I went through from teachers who thought I could do better, it all ends here! I am done! It's finally over!

After I finished my paper last night about midnight, I danced around the apartment for about an hour singing obnoxiously and slightly off-key at the top of my lungs. Actually, I just went to bed. But I was dancing inside. It is quite possible that today is the best day of my life. I shared the day with my family and friends and people who drive me crazy, but it doesn't matter anymore because I will never have to see those people again! It couldn't have gone better. Unless you count the "Stay Purple" song we had to sing at the end of commencement...which I don't.

So here I am, lying on my bed because all the jumping up and down tired me out, and I find myself thinking about what I'm going to do. It just occurred to me: anything I want. I can do anything. I never have to go to school again. The guilt I feel when I watch TV instead of doing homework is gone. That anxious feeling I get when I have a test? I'll never have that again. I'll never have to "change" my ideas and beliefs to please a professor again. I won't ever have to worry about an insult directed at my professor lowering my grade.  I am done. I don't have to read anything I don't want to read. I don't have to study useless material for hours and hours on end to get a grade. I can finally do what I want to do. I can do anything!

I wonder what I'll come up with. :)

xoxo,
Jessie

10 Things I'll Never Do Again

I gave my roommate a ride to school this morning. On the way I complained about one of my final papers that my teacher is making me rewrite (again). I said, in my usual sarcastic fashion, "Put that on the list of top ten things I'll never do again." She began to ask me what other things I would never do again, and I proceeded to think about it for the rest of the day. So here it is:

Top Ten Things I'll Never Do Again

1. Think that writing a paper about registered sex offenders would be "fascinating."
2. Waste two hours watching Napoleon Dynamite. 
3. Say "sounds fun" when someone asks me to go on short (a.k.a. three-mile) hike.
4. Believe the people at the bottom of the mountain that say they'll catch me when the zip-line ends.
5. Wear brand new flats to tear up carpet and remove wallpaper. 
6. Date a registered sex offender.
7. Tell a friend that I hate another girl so I can watch her tell that other girl. 
8. Take ceramics as my "easy" class of the semester.
9. Believe a guy when he says, "I didn't have time to call." 
10. Wear pink and red eyeshadow with sparkles and think it's hot.

You might think this is a little premature, making a list of the top ten things I'll never do again. But I still have the "Boy Was I Wrong List"; the "Things I Should Have Done but Didn't" list; and the ever-so-popular the "Stupid Things I've Said" list. 

Stay tuned.

xoxo,

Jessie

Just Laugh

Tonight, I watched some YouTube clips of Saturday Night Live, David Letterman, Jay Leno...you know, the "funny people." I decided I want to be one of those people who can laugh at just about anything. I like to think I already am; anyone who knows me knows I laugh so much it's obnoxious. Since I haven't laughed that much today, I thought I'd make a list of things that make me laugh.

Laugh a Little

• Hiccups
• The word "tutu"
• Clown-size shoes
• The look on the waiter's face when he sees I've finished my meal
• Gilmore Girls
• My niece's laughter
• Elaine from Seinfield dancing
• My roommate attempting to grow potatoes in a vase full of water
• Dates that are just too awful that if you don't laugh, you'll cry
• The Hokey Poky
• When my mom's dog tries to jump on the bed and only makes it halfway
• My hair when I get out of bed
• My face when I go to bed
• Running and the fact I will never understand it
• When life hands you lemons and lemon juice squirts you in the eye while making lemonade

If these things don't make you laugh, just know I'm entertained easily. :)

xoxo,

Jessie

I'll Be Happy When

It's okay to be happy. Sometimes I think people, myself included, are constantly looking for new ways to be happy. We think that we'll be happy when some event occurs. We'll be happy when we get a new car. We'll be happy when we get a new job.

Common I'll Be Happy Whens:

• I'll be happy when I graduate
  
• I'll be happy when I get my own place
  
• I'll be happy when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  
• I'll be happy when I get married
  
• I'll be happy when I have kids.
  
• I'll be happy when my kids go to Kindergarten.
  
• I'll be happy when my kids go off to college.
  
• I'll be happy when I die.

Thinking like this propels us in the direction opposite happiness. It makes us believe that our happiness depends on an object or an event, when in reality the only thing it depends on us. We can choose when we'll be happy. We don't have to be blissfully, jump for joy, obnoxiously perky, kind of happy all the time. That would be awful. But we can be content with the way things are. We can be thankful for what we have in our lives currently and look forward to what we could have in the future.

This is not to say that we should base our happiness entirely on the future. If we learn to be happy with the here and now we can be happy with whatever the future brings. We will still have bad days and we'll still feel sad, but the majority of our days we should be able to be content with what we have.

If you're having trouble being happy in the here and now and you're thinking in terms of "I'll be happy when..." you can change. Start small and think about the simple things that make you happy. When we focus on the things that make us happy instead of the things that make us sad our perspective can change and we bring more things that make us happy into our lives. If you can't do this right now and you have too much other stuff going on in your lives, that's okay. Happiness is a process and we all have to find our own way that we can be happy.

This way works for me, but it might not work for you. Find a way that works for you whether that's getting professional help and seeing a therapist or (even crazier) working out on a regular basis. I just want everyone to know that it's okay to be happy right now. You don't have to wait to be happy.

xoxo,
Jessie

Yes Ma'am

I've never considered myself old. I've never thought that I'm anything but young. When I describe myself one of the first words is always young. For instance: I am a smart, young, beautiful girl who is somewhat abrasive, more than a little sarcastic, and almost always bluntly honest. Key words: young and girl. I didn't say I was an old woman, or a middle-age lady, or least of all, a ma'am. Yet I've noticed that people are calling me ma'am more and more frequently.

Am I getting wrinkles? Is my hair turning gray? Do I wear clothes that look like they should be worn by someone 30 years older than me? If you are honestly considering answering any of these questions "yes" you need to stop reading my blog. The answer is no.

So what's with the ma'am? Is it a respect thing? It's better when people call me "miss". Better yet, just call me by my name, because chances are good that whoever called me ma'am was given my credit card so they should know my name.

I shouldn't be so upset by this. Then again, I get upset about a lot of things. I should add dramatic to my list of attributes when I introduce myself.

My name is Jessie. I am a smart, young, beautiful girl who is somewhat abrasive, more than a little sarcastic, and has freaked out about minor things on more than one occasion. Is that all right with you?

Yes ma'am.

xoxo,
Jessie

Blind Faith

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

The academic year is coming to a close. Life changing events are about to take place. I find myself leaning over  the edge of a cliff looking down into a dark abyss watching as friends and classmates leap over the edge with smiles and laughter. Only now do I notice that my friends and classmates (even my enemies) all posses one item I do not. A parachute. All of them know that before they hit the ground with a SPLAT! they will have the saving grace of a parachute. They will come out of the experience alive. Except for the unfortunate one or two who won't open their parachutes on time...but for the most part they'll all live. Me, however? I'm scared stiff.

Aside from my over-dramatic metaphor, I really am excited to graduate. I don't really have a plan. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just know I'm one of the lucky few who have their parents to fall back on. But while I was thinking about all of this I was thinking...don't I have faith it will all work out? Don't I know, somewhere, waaay in the back of my mind, that life will turn out okay?

Sometimes faith isn't always having a plan. Sometimes faith is just taking a few steps into the dark, away from the light. The thing about light is it allows us to see. Whenever it's bright outside people can see exactly what is going on. But darkness obscures. It's a mystery. No one knows what it might contain. That's why people are afraid of the dark. Have you ever known someone to be afraid of the light?

Seeing in the light is easy. It's seeing in the dark that's hard.

I guess sometimes we just need to be blind for a while.

xoxo,
Jessie

April Fools' Day

Times are a'changing and Google's changing with them. Watch the video below to find out how you can save time by making your computer motion-sensitive.

For those of you who, like me, don't thoroughly enjoy April Fools' Day, here's Jimmy Kimmel's April Fools' Advice:

I hope you enjoyed these videos. And if not...April Fools! 

xoxo,
Jessie

Will vs. Want

I'm tired of saying things like "I want to go to bed..." or "I want ice cream." Don't get me wrong, it's good to say what you want. How are you going to get what you want if you don't ever ask? But for things that you can accomplish yourself - like losing weight, enhancing a talent, or reaching your dreams - you shouldn't have to ask. You should be able to say to yourself, and to whoever asks, "I will lose weight..." or "I will learn to play the piano."

When you say things like "I will..." then you are more likely to believe you can accomplish whatever thing it is you said you will do. People who simply want things generally don't do anything to progress toward their dreams. They spend all of their time wishing and waiting and wanting. If they actually did something with their time instead of sitting around hoping something would change their situation they might actually get what they want.

"I want a nicer car" - Okay, so what are you going to do to get a nicer car? Are you going to wait around praying God will somehow make a Porsche appear in your driveway? Yeah, and I'm praying that Bill Gates gives all his money to a random stranger who just happens to have my social security number. You have to work to have that nicer car. You have to save money, plan and research what car you want, look at insurance...etc. It's not just going to be handed to you because you want it. If you say "I will have a nicer car" that implies that you're already working toward getting a nicer car and you believe you will get one.

"I want to be a better person" - So what? Are you doing anything to be a better person or are you just sitting back and hoping you'll wake up and miraculously change into a 21st Century Florence Nightingale? I mean, as cool as that would be, not all of us have the stomach for gory wounds. Say something like "I will be a better person" to yourself. Even if you don't believe it right now, it's good to say it - out loud - because eventually you will believe it.

I'm not saying you should go around telling everyone you meet that "I will be rich," or "I will be way sexier than you!" but I don't think saying it to yourself is bad. If you believe it, that's what matters.

This does not mean that you are better than anyone else! That is completely false information and if that's what you're taking from this post, you should forget this entire thing immediately. If you're telling yourself "I will rule the world" stop reading and go get some professional help - now!

For the rest of you: I hope this brought a little insight into the way I think and how I think people can be happier if they would believe they can change and will change instead of just wanting to change.

xoxo,
Jessie

Spring Break - Part Two

It rained today. I miss the sun. I've been thinking about my fabulous spring break in the warm, sunny weather. I finally got the cord to my camera so I could upload pictures from that my friend and I took at the beach. I looked at the pictures and it made me miss the sun even more.

I absolutely love the beach! I want to go back tomorrow. I want to soak up the sun and sing happy songs and get some Vitamin D. I'm so tired of the cold and the rain. I can't wait until summertime. And yes, part of that is because I will no longer have to go to school.


xoxo,
Jessie

Fun Quotes

I was thinking that since I write on here all the time about me, myself, and I...I should share some quotes that make me happy.

HAPPY QUOTES

"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers." - Charles W. Eliot

"Fiction reveals truths that reality obscures." - Jessamyn West

"Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with"
-Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
-Dr. Seuss


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

"A lot of people are afraid to say what they want. That's why they don't get what they want." -Madonna

"When I'm hungry, I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When I feel like saying something, I say it." -Madonna

"Friendship with ones self is important, because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world." -Eleanor Roosevelt 

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." -Anonymous

"I can't remember a time before you started telling this story."
-Topher Grace in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton

Hope these quotes made you as happy as they make me!

xoxo,
Jessie