Hair Personality

I dyed my hair. It used to be light brown and now it is a dark brownish-red. I spent the first two days flip-flopping back and forth between absolutely loving it and completely hating it. For example:

Day of Dyeing:
5:00 p.m. - Leave Salon - LOVE HAIR
5:15 p.m. - Drive Around - Like hair
5:30 p.m. - Arrive at Sister's House - Undecided
6:45 p.m. - Sister's House - Dislike hair
7:00 p.m. - Leave Sister's House -  HATE HAIR
7:10 p.m. - Arrive Home and Look in Mirror - Like Hair
7:15 p.m. - Talk to Brother - Hate Hair
7:30 p.m. - Talk to Dad - Hate Hair
9:00 p.m. - Talk to Mom - Like Hair
Next Day
9:30 a.m. - Wake Up - Dislike Hair
10:00 a.m. - Take Shower - Hate Hair
10:15 a.m. - Dry Hair - Hate Hair
10:17 a.m. - Style Hair - LOVE HAIR

Like I said, after about two days of this I finally decided I loved it. I'm used to it now and I don't cringe every time I look in the mirror anymore.

Since I've dyed my hair, however, I seem to act a little differently. I must be going insane because when I go shopping my sense of style has changed, I think different things are funny, I overreact at the littlest thing... I've come to the most logical conclusion possible. My hair. It must be my hair. My hair is the only thing that has changed over the past week and a half and that must be why I'm acting so weird! It makes perfect sense!

I took it upon myself to do a little research (ha! take that, new personality!) and I've come to find some pretty interesting, if completely ridiculous, stuff.

• Blondes are often thought as sexier than other women, but are also thought as ditsy and naive. Blonde women tend to get more attention from men, as well as get married earlier in life. Blondes have great memories, strong consciouses and are good at math.
  
  

• Black-haired women are more serious. They are mostly interested in history and religion and best when it comes to finances. 

• Brunettes are the responsible ones, the good girls. They are hard workers and reliable. They usually work harder than other women and get down-trodden easily. 

• Red-haired women are opinionated and feisty. They're the women that come up with the great ideas and think that nothing is impossible. Women with red hair are sensitive, but outspoken. They hardly get used to new things and ideas and they're irritable and easy to annoy.
  
  

So, what did we learn from all this?

I should have dyed my hair blonde...then I could have passed my math classes. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Me, Myself, and My Blog

Blogs are becoming increasingly popular. I, myself, have started a blog...if you haven't noticed. Having transfered from the ever-decreasing population of the anti-bloggers to the continually increasing population pro-bloggers, I have deemed myself an expert on why people are quickly jumping on the bandwagon. Here are just a few of the reasons that blogging is now more popular than ever:

• Don't like privacy? Neither do we! Blogs allow family, friends and perfect strangers to pry into your life where they don't belong and don't particularly want to be. 
• Because texting, Tweeting, and posting it on Facebook is simply not enough!
• Because of that one guy who said that one thing on his blog that helped the news uncover that other guy who did some bad thing that they eventually caught and convicted him for. 
• You are the expert. Have a Ph.D. in minutes of setting up an account! Simply include it in your profile and people will believe you.
• People are replacing books with blogs. It's much more cost efficient. None of that pesky grammer to deal with. 
• "Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few."

If I haven't convinced you to start a blog, don't worry, I've gotten you to read this post and that's the first step. You'll get there in no time. 

xoxo,

Jessie

Catharsis

I was in D.C. this past week and while there I went to see the National Monuments. I walked the National Mall, literally saw history before my eyes. Well, I was in front of a bunch of high school kids. They were talking about people who were and weren't attractive (why, I don't know) when one of the girls whispered to the boy next to her (not very quietly), "Guess who isn't attractive?" He asked, "Who?" I could practically feel her nod in my direction and say, "That girl." Since there weren't any other girls around, other than their friends, I assumed she was talking about me. I nearly turned around and slapped the laugh right off of her. Instead, I just quickened my pace and tried to ignore the brat.

Last night, I had an amazing dream where I told off this girl (along with everyone else I was angry at) for being such a jerk. I didn't yell at her or anything, but I just told her that she couldn't make me feel bad. The only bad part of the dream was waking up.

It turns out that telling people off is only cathartic if you actually do it. Since I can't exactly pick a fight with this girl, since I'll never see her again and since she probably doesn't remember me, I'm going to tell all of you off! Anyone who has ever been mean to me, watch out. So, if you're looking to read a funny post that will make you laugh skip to the next one because this isn't it. Well...it might make you laugh, but I'm serious so it shouldn't tickle your funny bone. It's gonna get ugly, people, cause I'm about to say all the things I'd never say in person.

Dear Jerk,

Despite your over-inflated ego and abnormally large head, the world does not revolve around you. You do not go around saying bratty things about your friends, or strangers for that matter, to anyone who will listen. Saying someone is "unattractive" is rude. Calling someone fat is rude. Starting rumors about anyone is not just rude, it's malicious.
     It's actually kind of flattering you doing all of this. I mean, it's flattering in an incredibly twisted sense. You must be incredibly jealous to devote so much time and effort trying to make me miserable. Don't get me wrong, I did find it flattering...for the first few months. But as the months dragged on into years it got less flattering and more annoying. Eventually, when you grew up and learned how to cleverly cloak an insult, it became hurtful. I am beyond tired of your jealousy. Whatever your problem is - get over it.
     You might think this is a game. How many guys can I get to avoid Jessie? How many girls can I get to spread non-imaginative rumors about her? How many times can I make her cry? I've got news for you - I'm not playing your game. You want to get guys to avoid me? Go ahead. You want to spread rumors? At least think of something original, I beg you! You want to make me cry? Don't worry, I'll get over it. I refuse to become anything like you and I will not stoop to your level. If it were possible, I would say this to your face. As it is, only a chosen few have had that privilege...so far.
     I am a good person. I do my best and I try to do what is right. You can't make me feel bad. You can be as cruel as you want, but you cannot make me believe I am worthless. You might make me cry, but you can't change who I am. Don't waste your time trying.
     Now, it would be nice if you were actually listening to any of the things I've said. However, I know people like you tend to lose focus after someone other than yourself starts talking. You've probably already come up with several different ways to torture me in the future, so let me just say this in closing:
     No matter what you say about me; no matter what you do to me; no matter how many times you try to hurt me; you will never have any power over me. You will never be more than a selfish, arrogant brat who only feels good when others feel bad, and I feel sorry for you. So enjoy the rest of your pathetic existence, because I'm done listening to you and people like you.

xoxo,
Jessie

Me? Sarcastic?

sar·casm 
 [sahr-kaz-uhm] 

1. harsh or bitter derision or irony.
2. a sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark

If that definition came as a surprise to anyone - you really shouldn't be reading my blog.

What's more, if you don't get half of what I'm saying, it's because I'm saying it all sarcastically (see above definition).

Now, in all seriousness (see above), I don't know why people don't get me. Besides the fact that I'm delightful and the sweetest, prettiest person you'll ever meet, I'm humble. Who wouldn't want to be friends with someone as humble as I am?

Yet I'm told that I have a sarcastic personality. I prefer to think of it as being witty, but hey, whatever paints your canvas. A couple days ago one of my guy friends told me that I'll say anything. I took it as a compliment. While it's true that I say just about everything that's on my mind, there's a ton I don't say. Seriously, about half. I should really try to up that to about 3/4, but then I'd be so quiet all the time people would wonder what was wrong with me.

The problem with my sarcasm is that everyone believes what I say. Either people are just really gullible or I have to work on my sarcastic, *cough* *cough* I mean, witty, voice. So, just for the heck of it, and because I'm bored (because let's face it...who writes on their blog when they're busy?), I decided to make a hilarious list of things I've said in my "witty" voice that people believed.

My Not-So-Sarcastic Voice

•  (At a bridal shower)"I met her when I caught her making out with my ex-husband. We're great friends now, though." 
• "She has multiple personalities. Each one needs a sandwich."
• "We've been friends since the first grade. He keeps pretending he doesn't know me." -Me
  "I don't!" -Guy
• "It's your lucky day! I saw this Snickers bar and thought immediately of you!" (That guy ended up asking me out). 
• "I don't eat food. I just stare at it hoping the process of osmosis will come into play." 

I can't count how many times people have asked if I'm serious and I have to say no. Of course, I can't count how many times people have asked me if I'm being sarcastic and I have to say no. *Sigh* It looks like I'll never win. 

xoxo,
Jessie

Mean

Rude. Harsh. Abrasive. Cantankerous. Caustic. Sarcastic. Unpleasant. Callous. Hostile.

No matter how you spell it all these words mean the same thing: mean.

I've been told I am a mean person. Many things I say are construed as mean. May I just say that being honest should not automatically make you a mean person? Just because I say what I mean and mean what I say, doesn't mean that I am mean. (By the way, I just beat the World Record for the most times "mean" has been used in a sentence. I checked.)

Why should I lie to make someone else feel better? I'm not saying I go up to people and tell them they're fat and ugly - I would never do that. Yet if I tell a guy I'm just not interested, it automatically makes me mean. Is it better to go out with him on a "pity date" or as a "charity case" not expecting to have a good time and never planning on going out with him again? I don't think so. I think people deserve chances, yes, but I am the kind of person who knows what I want and knows what is going to get me there. I don't think that lying to someone to make him feel better and then just hurting him worse later on is good either. I, personally, would rather have someone be honest with me and hurt my feelings in the beginning than lead me to believe something false.

Personally, I think I'm delightful. I don't kick children. I have never purposefully hit a cat with my car (yet). I refrain from flipping people off during spouts of road rage. I don't even Saran wrap the toilet seat anymore! 

I just think some people judge too quickly when they see something as "mean." They generally don't understand the situation the "meanness" occurred. For instance, if you've ever seen me punch someone in the face, I probably was aiming for their stomach and simply miscalculated. You probably just assumed the worst.

If I have ever hurt someone with my honesty, I am truly sorry. It was not intended to hurt or harm anyone. I was trying to be honest, not mean. 

Now, that I've got that off my chest, I think I'll go make someone cry. It's kind of liberating. You should try it sometime. ;)

xoxo,

Jessie

Anything At All

I am happy to say I did it! I graduated college. I officially have a Bachelor of Science in Communications - Journalism. I never thought this would happen, but it finally did. I will never have to go to school again. I will never have to do homework again! Unless, I go to graduate school...but that's a different topic for a different day. All the useless information I've learned over the past three years can now be pushed out of my brain into the trash where it belongs. The pain I've gone through with teachers I hated, the struggle I went through from teachers who thought I could do better, it all ends here! I am done! It's finally over!

After I finished my paper last night about midnight, I danced around the apartment for about an hour singing obnoxiously and slightly off-key at the top of my lungs. Actually, I just went to bed. But I was dancing inside. It is quite possible that today is the best day of my life. I shared the day with my family and friends and people who drive me crazy, but it doesn't matter anymore because I will never have to see those people again! It couldn't have gone better. Unless you count the "Stay Purple" song we had to sing at the end of commencement...which I don't.

So here I am, lying on my bed because all the jumping up and down tired me out, and I find myself thinking about what I'm going to do. It just occurred to me: anything I want. I can do anything. I never have to go to school again. The guilt I feel when I watch TV instead of doing homework is gone. That anxious feeling I get when I have a test? I'll never have that again. I'll never have to "change" my ideas and beliefs to please a professor again. I won't ever have to worry about an insult directed at my professor lowering my grade.  I am done. I don't have to read anything I don't want to read. I don't have to study useless material for hours and hours on end to get a grade. I can finally do what I want to do. I can do anything!

I wonder what I'll come up with. :)

xoxo,
Jessie

10 Things I'll Never Do Again

I gave my roommate a ride to school this morning. On the way I complained about one of my final papers that my teacher is making me rewrite (again). I said, in my usual sarcastic fashion, "Put that on the list of top ten things I'll never do again." She began to ask me what other things I would never do again, and I proceeded to think about it for the rest of the day. So here it is:

Top Ten Things I'll Never Do Again

1. Think that writing a paper about registered sex offenders would be "fascinating."
2. Waste two hours watching Napoleon Dynamite. 
3. Say "sounds fun" when someone asks me to go on short (a.k.a. three-mile) hike.
4. Believe the people at the bottom of the mountain that say they'll catch me when the zip-line ends.
5. Wear brand new flats to tear up carpet and remove wallpaper. 
6. Date a registered sex offender.
7. Tell a friend that I hate another girl so I can watch her tell that other girl. 
8. Take ceramics as my "easy" class of the semester.
9. Believe a guy when he says, "I didn't have time to call." 
10. Wear pink and red eyeshadow with sparkles and think it's hot.

You might think this is a little premature, making a list of the top ten things I'll never do again. But I still have the "Boy Was I Wrong List"; the "Things I Should Have Done but Didn't" list; and the ever-so-popular the "Stupid Things I've Said" list. 

Stay tuned.

xoxo,

Jessie

Just Laugh

Tonight, I watched some YouTube clips of Saturday Night Live, David Letterman, Jay Leno...you know, the "funny people." I decided I want to be one of those people who can laugh at just about anything. I like to think I already am; anyone who knows me knows I laugh so much it's obnoxious. Since I haven't laughed that much today, I thought I'd make a list of things that make me laugh.

Laugh a Little

• Hiccups
• The word "tutu"
• Clown-size shoes
• The look on the waiter's face when he sees I've finished my meal
• Gilmore Girls
• My niece's laughter
• Elaine from Seinfield dancing
• My roommate attempting to grow potatoes in a vase full of water
• Dates that are just too awful that if you don't laugh, you'll cry
• The Hokey Poky
• When my mom's dog tries to jump on the bed and only makes it halfway
• My hair when I get out of bed
• My face when I go to bed
• Running and the fact I will never understand it
• When life hands you lemons and lemon juice squirts you in the eye while making lemonade

If these things don't make you laugh, just know I'm entertained easily. :)

xoxo,

Jessie

I'll Be Happy When

It's okay to be happy. Sometimes I think people, myself included, are constantly looking for new ways to be happy. We think that we'll be happy when some event occurs. We'll be happy when we get a new car. We'll be happy when we get a new job.

Common I'll Be Happy Whens:

• I'll be happy when I graduate
  
• I'll be happy when I get my own place
  
• I'll be happy when I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
  
• I'll be happy when I get married
  
• I'll be happy when I have kids.
  
• I'll be happy when my kids go to Kindergarten.
  
• I'll be happy when my kids go off to college.
  
• I'll be happy when I die.

Thinking like this propels us in the direction opposite happiness. It makes us believe that our happiness depends on an object or an event, when in reality the only thing it depends on us. We can choose when we'll be happy. We don't have to be blissfully, jump for joy, obnoxiously perky, kind of happy all the time. That would be awful. But we can be content with the way things are. We can be thankful for what we have in our lives currently and look forward to what we could have in the future.

This is not to say that we should base our happiness entirely on the future. If we learn to be happy with the here and now we can be happy with whatever the future brings. We will still have bad days and we'll still feel sad, but the majority of our days we should be able to be content with what we have.

If you're having trouble being happy in the here and now and you're thinking in terms of "I'll be happy when..." you can change. Start small and think about the simple things that make you happy. When we focus on the things that make us happy instead of the things that make us sad our perspective can change and we bring more things that make us happy into our lives. If you can't do this right now and you have too much other stuff going on in your lives, that's okay. Happiness is a process and we all have to find our own way that we can be happy.

This way works for me, but it might not work for you. Find a way that works for you whether that's getting professional help and seeing a therapist or (even crazier) working out on a regular basis. I just want everyone to know that it's okay to be happy right now. You don't have to wait to be happy.

xoxo,
Jessie

Yes Ma'am

I've never considered myself old. I've never thought that I'm anything but young. When I describe myself one of the first words is always young. For instance: I am a smart, young, beautiful girl who is somewhat abrasive, more than a little sarcastic, and almost always bluntly honest. Key words: young and girl. I didn't say I was an old woman, or a middle-age lady, or least of all, a ma'am. Yet I've noticed that people are calling me ma'am more and more frequently.

Am I getting wrinkles? Is my hair turning gray? Do I wear clothes that look like they should be worn by someone 30 years older than me? If you are honestly considering answering any of these questions "yes" you need to stop reading my blog. The answer is no.

So what's with the ma'am? Is it a respect thing? It's better when people call me "miss". Better yet, just call me by my name, because chances are good that whoever called me ma'am was given my credit card so they should know my name.

I shouldn't be so upset by this. Then again, I get upset about a lot of things. I should add dramatic to my list of attributes when I introduce myself.

My name is Jessie. I am a smart, young, beautiful girl who is somewhat abrasive, more than a little sarcastic, and has freaked out about minor things on more than one occasion. Is that all right with you?

Yes ma'am.

xoxo,
Jessie